Day 1: Focus Matters

I think part of my problem in finding my own voice is actually a side effect of what I've been focusing on in my life. During my Spanish 101 class, I was so terrified of having to do a presentation in front of the class as part of the course requirements, I spent two months panicking and throwing any semblance of optimism out the window. Literally, all I did was worry about this for the majority the 12 week semester. And eat. And worry and eat and worry and eat some more. All because over 30 years ago, I had a particularly horrific experience with doing a presentation in front of my class and a teacher who let the students laugh at me not only once, but twice when she played back the presentation again. I'm not saying that's the only reason why I lost my voice, although I know that I become much more withdrawn and cautious with people in life after that. But combine that with expecting the worst in life, and that does become a recipe for disaster.

For me, what I speak comes from what I think and what i focus on. As it turned out, I survived the presentation and all things considered, did very well in it given the fact that I hadn't had much chance to practice speaking spanish or answering questions prior to that point. What tipped the scale for me was when I was speaking to one of my classmates before class and encouraging her to do her presentation, assuring her that she was going to do a great job and that she knew a lot more than she thought she was. And yes, the bells did ring and the lights did go on in my head when I realized that I was encouraging someone else to overcome their fears and believe in themselves when I was worried about all the things that could go wrong with my own presentation.

Today, I am grateful for the opportunity to push through my fear of public speaking and not running away from the presentation. I am truly grateful for the reminder that at times I can be my own worst enemy...but I can choose to be my biggest supporter as well.