Whose Voice Do I have

Poor neglected blog.

In a way, I started this because I had hopes that I would write brilliant, witty and clever words to describe my life and the world around me. And if I have to be honest, some little part of me was hoping that there might be others who also would clap their hands and say "wow, isn't that brilliant, witty and clever!"

Which, of course, is really nothing more than setting oneself up to fail, whether in some ways or spectacularly. Not that there is anything wrong with writing for an audience by any means, but because even at my age, I've found that there's still a ongoing struggle to find my own voice. One of the instructors in our writing lab at the college I attend once worked with me on the first paper I wrote after a good 15 years of being delegated to writing little more than memos in my office. Her words stuck with me because while she said the paper was written well,  she was having a hard time finding me anywhere in the paper. And that is why I struggle to write those brilliant, witty and clever words that people admire. Eloquence and structure are easier to master than infusing work with vulnerability and all the messiness of life that my fragile ego has picked up and carries around with it whether it needs it or not.

I think it is time to find the voice. Imperfect or not,there has to be one area in our lives where we are free to be who we are meant to be and not who we've settled for being over the years.